I have flirted with you for over a year now. I am a disenfranchised Republican looking for a port in the storm. I was lost for awhile because I feel asleep at the wheel and a bunch of heartless "posers" took the wheel of my Party and starting steering it into a ditch.
I was awakened as a young immpressionable boy by a man named Ronald Reagan. I was born in 1967, and he was the first President that had an impact on me. I became a Republican because of his ability to transmit hope through a television screen. I was moved to tears as our boys came home from Iran because they knew better than to mess with this leader...our leader, Ronald Reagan. He formed my political center before I was able to find my own.
He swept two contests in his bid for the Presidency...44 states in 1980, 49 states in 1984. He had the highest approval ratings of any President leaving office, since, well, since polls were taken.
But that is the past.
And I am now a grown man. Life is much more complicated than what I experienced as a 13 year old boy. And for the last 4 - 6 years, I think I have been looking for a chance to jump ship.
I no longer believe that the Republican Party has the answers to solve the issues that are driving our country apart.
I am even willing to concede that we have caused many of them...maybe most.
But in my eagerness to find a home, I feel like I may have taken the first girl home that showed interest. I feel like I have awakened in a dirty bed, with a hangover, and I am just now understanding the agenda of the person next to me. I am just now getting a clear morning look.
And so I have chosen to stay Right. Please let me tell you why:
This is one of those diaries where someone complains and everyone comments about making sure the door doesn't hit me in the ass.
I know, I get it. So, let me take a few bullets right away:
- It's not my place to tell you anything about how you should act because I am one of "them."
- I can easily go post on right-wing sites and find a more receptive audience. You didn't invite me.
- I have enabled criminals and big corporate executives to take control of this country. So....just shut up!
Before I explain my disappointment, let me give you the encouraging news: I am actively supporting Barack Obama, and am campaigning for him in Pennsylvania. When I talk to my church-going, right-leaning friends, I have found a responsive crowd.
I have also committed to not vote for John McCain, even though his centrist positions and willingness to cross the aisle more closely resemble my own than any other Republican President I would have ever been able to vote for in my adult life.
But the reason I cannot go "all the way" with this grass-roots Progressive movement is because of the level of anger, hatred, and downright out-of-touch reasoning I have witnessed and read and found that others have resonated with, in some of the diaries posted here.
As a Republican Party member I expected some level of anger towards me and my party. I also expected that I would need to earn my way to being heard here. I also believe that I must publically take responsibility for some bad decisions that my Party has made and the terrible affects they have had on so many people.
I have been in a Party that has not listened to everyday people for quite some time, and a Party that has not always respected the opinions of others... a Party that has minimized persons of color, shown extreme prejudice towards persons living alternative lifestyles, and kept the structures that have allowed the rich to get richer while the poor get poorer.
I expected to come here with my shoulders slumped in a submissive gesture, my head bowed, and my heart ready to be accepted.
But I also expected to find a Democratic Party that would act more like Nelson Mandela, Gandhi and Martin Luther King and less like Malcolm X. I expected levity, graciosness, and HOPE. Hope for me, and people in my Party willing to cross over.
The reason I am continuing to campaign for Barack is because he has treated me with grace and honor. And I thought, if he could do it, as a black man in a Republican America, than certainly I could work for him.
Let me give you some quick examples that have kept me far from becoming a Democrat, but have kept me close to Barack. You can learn from them or not. It's up to you. You can choose to govern in a way you have not been governed to, or you can exact revenge on my Party. I think EVERYTHING hangs in the balance. But it's not my choice.
Here are my examples:
A) Barack and I do not think George Bush is a war criminal.
We are too wise to demean that title by hanging it on George Bush. I guess most of you have forgotten Idi Amin, Hitler, Hideki Tojo and Slobodan Milošević?
B) Barack and I do not think George Bush should be impeached.
Oh, and by the way, we also don't think Bill Clinton should have been impeached. There are crazies on the Left, and crazies on the Right.
C) Barack and I are not angry.
We don't want revenge. We want change. We don't want punishment, we want HOPE for the future. We don't want to rip open wounds, we want to heal.
We want to work together with a new majority.
D) Barack and I know that change happens in positive increments.
Nothing happens without hard work and slowly moving forward while grabbing the hands of those who are around you, willing to work towards the same goal. The health care issue is a prime example. There is NO WAY IN HELL Hillary could pass a universal health care initiative while requiring mandates for Americans. It will not pass. His initiative will/can pass. Barack understands that 80% of something is better than 100% of nothing.
E) Barack and I understand that America is in trouble because every politician is only concerned about 51%.
Just enough to get the job...never enough to do anything with it.
And so here I am...taking a quick shower, looking at the bed behind me, wondering what in the Hell I was thinking? Diaries about impeachmant? Diaries about Republican War Criminals? Diaries and comments about being f&%king mad as hell and wanting someone to pay? Diaries about not needing me...or my brothers and sisters on this side?
What are you guys doing?
We are right here. We could do something great together.
What will you do with your anger?
Is some of it my fault?
Probably, yes.
Could I have been a better American by voting differently?
Probably, yes.
But I am here now. What will you do with me?